We Can Talk Them Into Anything
by Lone Wolfette
Summary: Lauren & Kristin talk the boys into taking odd jobs after getting fired from the brewery.


**We Can Talk Them Into Anything! **

**ONE**   
Carmine's dance studio, noontime 

Carmine has been giving dance lessons all morning. Kristin has been helping. 

Carmine (coming up to Kristin) You're a good dancer. I wish my students were as coordinated as you. 

Kristin- Thanks! I like to think that I make up for what little coordination Squig has! 

Carmine- Oh, him. That guy don't even have two left feet... he don't even walk well! 

Kristin- Maybe I could get him to come for a few lessons... 

Carmine- Only if you teach 'im! 

  
**TWO**   
Pizza Bowl 

Lauren is waitressing (Lord knows why, she's dropped about half the plates she's picked up to be washed). Edna let her take a break and now she's sitting at a table looking at her tips. 

Lauren (mumbling)- Thirty cents... I didn't drop that many plates... My tips prob'ly won't even cover the cost of some of them. 

Frank comes over to where Lauren is sitting. 

Lauren- Have you come to repossess my tips? (she slides the thirty cents towards him) 

Frank- No... if you can find someone who won't drop the plates... 

Lauren- I know someone... (she gets up and runs out of the Pizza Bowl) 

  
**THREE**   
boys' apartment, ten minutes later 

The boys come in arguing. 

Lenny- Squig, you can ram into the loading dock only so many times before they fire ya... 

Squiggy- Don't blame me... You got fired, too! 

Lenny (crossing his arms)- Sure, throw itback in my face... 

There's a knock at the door. 

Lenny goes over and opens the door. 

Lauren and Kristin come in. 

Lauren- Boys, could we ask ya a favor? 

Lenny- Does it involve us getting jobs? 

Kristin- Yeah. Why do a ask? 

Squiggy- Because we got fired off the jobs. 

Lauren (surprised)- Fired?! Why? 

Lenny- Squig rammed the loading dock one too many times. 

Squiggy- I never saw ya gimme the signal to stop... 

Kristin- Fellas... 

The boys stop arguing. 

Lauren- I got just what ya need... 

Lenny bites his palm. 

Lauren (slugging Lenny's arm)- Not that! A job. 

Kristin- Yeah, I got one for you, too, Squig! 

Lenny & Squiggy- Really!? 

Kristin- Squig, how'd ya like to come work with me at Carmine's dance studio? 

Squiggy (making a face)- Why would I wanna do that? 

Kristin- For money... and to be near me! 

Squiggy- Okay! When do I start? 

Kristin- As soom as we get to the dance studio. (she grabs his hand and nearly drags him out of the apartment) 

Lenny- Whatcha got for me? 

Lauren- Busboy at the Pizza Bowl... I've dropped enough plates already. 

Lenny- Well... Why would I wanna do that? 

Lauren (wrapping her arms aroud him)- To be near me... and for money. 

Lenny- Okay! Let's go! 

  
**FOUR**   
dance studio, an hour later 

Since Kristin and Squiggy arrived, Squiggy has tripped over his own feet seven times and has collided with Kristin four times. 

Kristin (sitting on the floor, rubbing her feet)- I think Carmine had the right idea... I shouldn'ta brought ya here... ow... 

Squiggy- I didn't wanna be here in the first place... I agreed 'cuz I'd be near you... 

Kristin- In you're own weird way, that was actually kinda sweet. 

Squiggy (making a face)- Sweet?! Awe, no, that's Lenny's department... I ain't sweet... 

Kristin interrupts him with a kiss. 

Squiggy- ...well, maybe I'm a little mushy... 

  
**FIVE**   
Pizza Bowl 

It's after closing. Lauren is counting how many plates she broke... and Lenny is counting his tips. 

Lenny- ...Three dollars and fifty cents... 

Lauren (surprised)- What!? Three dollars and fifty cents? 

Lenny- Awe, now ya made me lose count. 

Lauren- Sorry, but at the rate I'm going, I'd be better off quitting. Then I just wouldn't have money insteada bein' in debt. (she plops down in the chair next to Lenny and props her head up in her hands) 

Lenny- You didn't drop that many... 

Lauren- I dropped ten at one time! 

Lenny- Okay, maybe ya did... 

Lauren- I'm not right for this job... I'd work at the brewery, but I ain't even old enough. (she covers her face with her hands) 

Lenny- Awe, c'mon. So what? There's gotta be som'en for ya. 

Lauren (sarcastically, through her hands)- Yeah... housewife... 

Lenny- Stop puttin' yourself down. (he grabs her hands and uncovers her face; they're now holding hands) Um... I know there's prob'ly a better time for this, but... ya wanna go steady? 

Lauren just stares at him. 

Lenny- Lauren? 

Lauren (shaking off her shock)- Huh?... Steady? Uh... well... 

Lenny is about thisclose to giving her that look - the puppy dog face... and she sees it coming. 

Lauren- ...Yes... just please don't look at me like that (he does it anyway) Awe... cute. 

Lenny- I know. 

  
**SIX**   
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, midnight 

There's a pounding at the door. 

Laverne stumbles out of the bedroom, turns on a light, and starts squinting. 

Laverne (going over to the door)- I shouldn't do that... I could blind myself. (she opens the door) Lauren? 

Lauren comes in in a state of... well, Cloud 9. She walks past Laverne, then spins around to face her. 

Lauren (quietly excited - Shirley's still asleep)- Len asked me to go steady! 

Laverne- You're kiddin'!? 

The two girls start jumping up and down. Laverne stops. 

Laverne- Why'd you wait till now to share the news? 

Lauren- Because he just asked me ten minutes ago. 

Laverne- Huh? 

Lauren- I talked him into working at the Pizza Bowl with me... 

Laverne- My pop actually hired him... 

Lauren- That's a long story in itself and it includes about seventy-five broken plates... my fault. Anyway, he asked after closing! ...I wonder if he'll give me a ring... 

Laverne- No ring? About ninety-nine percent of the time, the guy will give the girl the ring when he asks... in Lenny's case, I wouldn't hold my breath. 

Lauren- He will. Now, I gotta go back up and figure out why Kristin's got framed moths hangin' on the wall... I wonder if... nah. 

Laverne- Do you think that Squig... 

Lauren- He asked Kristin the same thing. Why didn't she come find me and tell me... 

Shirley comes out of the bedroom. 

Shirley- Because she told me to tell you, but I fell asleep... and you two woke me up. What's all the commotion? 

Lauren- Len asked me to go steady! 

Shirely- And you said yes. 

Lauren- Of course I did... after I realized what he said. It was like my mind went blank all of a sudden. 

Laverne- Yeah, Lenny'll do that to ya sometimes. 

  
**SEVEN**   
fourth floor, the next morning 

Lenny- Awe, c'mon! maybe you won't drop any plates today. (he tries to pull Lauren along) 

Lauren- Yeah, I'll drop the mugs instead! 

Lenny- Oh, c'mon! (he puls on her again) Will you stop diggin' your feet into the floor! 

Lauren- No! I'm quitting! (she breaks free of his grip and runs into her apartment as Kristin is coming out and conveniently slams the door after Kristin) 

Kristin- What's up her nose? Did you ask her to do som'en disgusting? 

Lenny- No! She wants to quit her job at the Pizza Bowl... 

Kristin- Oh, great! She quits and we'll be tossed in a week! Wonderful. (she walks down the hall to the stairs) C'mon, Squig! 

Squiggy comes out of his apartment and follows her. 

Lenny- Hey, Squig. Why're ya goin' back to the dance studio? 

Squiggy- I dunno. I just wanna be near Kristin. I ain't even earnin' any money. (he goes to the stairs and goes down) 

Lenny- Uh oh. I don't think my tips are gonna be enough... (he turns to the girls' door and starts pounding) Lauren! C'mon, open up! Ya can't stay in there all day, ya know! 

O.S. Lauren- Why not? 

Lenny- Because, well, because, uh, oh, I dunno. I heard someone say it on TV... C'mon out, please! 

O.S. Lauren- No. 

Lenny turns away from the door. He's about to go down the hall, but leans against the wall instead. he ends up sitting on the floor, waiting to see if Lauren will come out. 

  
**EIGHT**   
two hours later 

Lenny's still sitting against the wall, but he's been asleep for about an hour and fifteen minutes. 

Suddenly, the girls' door opens and Lauren peeks out. She looks down and sees Lenny sitting there, asleep. She sighs and kneels down next to him. 

Lauren (quietly)- Len? (she shakes him lightly) 

Lenny opens his eyes. 

Lenny (half asleep)- I knew you'd come out... 

Lauren- Mr. DeFazio's gonna be wonderin' where you are... where we are. 

Lenny- You're not gonna quit?! 

Lauren- I thought about it... and I looked through the newspaper. I think the Pizza Bowl is the best I'm gonna do. 

Lenny- Why are ya still puttin' yourself down? 

Lauren- I dunno. 

Lenny- Stop it. You'll find som'en ya like... ya found me. 

Lauren- ...suck up. 

  
**NINE**   
Pizza Bowl 

Laverne and Shirley are sitting at their usual table. 

Laverne- My pop is flipping out! He can't handle all these customers!... 

Shirley- Laverne, calm down! I'm sure that Lauren and Lenny are just a little late... 

Laverne- A little?! Try more than two hours, Shirl! 

Lauren and Lenny come in and go over to the girls' table. 

Lauren- Hi... 

Laverne- Hi? You two are more than two hours late... my pop is flipping out... where the heck have you been? (she realizes she just asked a loaded question) ...Nevermind, I don't wanna know where you've been. 

Lauren- I'm sure it's been quieter here without me around... (Lenny nudges her) I mean there haven't been alot of broken plates (Lenny nudges her again) ... Will you stop that!? (she smacks his arm) 

Lenny- Ow! 

Laverne- As much as I'd love to hear ya continue to complain, we gotta go. C'mon, Shirl. 

The girls get up and leave. 

Lenny- Why'd ya hit me? 

Lauren- Because... I'm sick of dropping plates. (she turns and leaves) 

Lenny- Lauren?... (he sits at the table) I gotta help her... 

  
**TEN**   
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, thrity minutes later 

The girls are sitting on the couch watching TV. Kristin comes in. {Yup, she barged in} 

Kristin (happily)- Lookit this! (she shows off a very sparkly ring) 

Laverne- Squig gave you that!? 

Kristin- Yeah, just this morning. I love goin' steady! (she plops down on the couch next to the girls) 

Shirley- If you just came down to show us the ring, then why are you still here? 

Kristin- Lauren locked me out of the apartment. I'd pound on the door, but Lenny's already doin' that. 

Laverne & Shirley- What?! 

Shirley- We gotta do somethin'! 

Laverne- Like what? 

Shirley- I'm gonna go up and see if I can talk to 'er. (she gets up and leaves) 

  
**ELEVEN**   
fourth floor 

Lenny (pounding on the door)- C'mon, before my knuckles get sore!... Lauren! (he stops pounding and rubs his hands) 

Shirley comes down the hall. 

Shirley- That's new... she locks herself in... Can I try? 

Lenny- Why not? 

Shilrey (knocking on the door)- Lauren? It's me, Shirley. Can I come in? I just wanna talk. 

O.S. Lauren- No. I don't feel like talkin' right now. 

Lenny (whispering)- She's sittin' in fronta the door. 

Shirley (whispering)- She's really down in the dumps... I dunno what to do. I'm gonna go back downstairs. (she turns and goes down the hall) 

Lenny- Lauren, let me in, please. 

O.S. Lauren- Why? 

Lenny- I got som'en for ya. 

There are sounds of the locks being undone anf the door opens. 

Lauren- Whadya got? 

Lenny digs aroud in his jacket pocket and pulls something out. 

Lenny- Close your eyes. 

Lauren (giving him a weird look)- You did this before... 

Lenny- Just close 'em, huh? 

Lauren- Alright. (she closes her eyes) 

Lenny grabs her hand and puts something in her palm. 

Lenny- Okay. 

Lauren opens her eyes... and freaks. 

Lauren- A ring!!! 

Lenny- Yeah, I sorta forgot to give it to ya yesterday... I hope it ifts one-a your fingers. I didn't know what size to get. 

Lauren tries it on and it fits the first finger. She looks at it. 

Lauren- Awe... I dunno how to thank you... 

Lenny- I think I know... 

Lauren- I didn't mean that... but how 'bout something relatively close? (she grabs his jacket, pulls him into the apartment, and slams the door) 

  
**TWELVE**   
boys' apartment, a few minutes later 

Kristin and Squiggy come in and sit on the bottom bunk. {I don't recall the boys having a couch} 

Kristin- I'm glad ya got your job back. 

Squiggy- Yeah, me, too. But I enjoyed fallin' on ya at the dance studio. 

Kristin- I had a feeling that was a highlight... 

They start making out. 

{What's with all this smut? Who's next? Shirley and Carmine?} 

  
**THIRTEEN**   
Carmine's apartment 

Shirley and Carmine are sitting on the couch, making out. 

{Oooh, big shock there!} 

  
**FOURTEEN**   
girls' apartment 

Laverne is sitting on the couch, still watching TV. 

Laverne (to herself)- I can't believe that everyone in this script is making out except me! I need someone... 

O.S. - Aaaay! 

Laverne jumps up, runs over to the door, opens it, and goes right for making out with Fonzie... in the hall. 

{No, wait a sec...} 

Laverne and Fonzie inch their way over to the couch, sit, and continue making out. 

{Okay, that's better!} 

  
THE END :)~ 

{Trust me, that is the MOST smut I'll ever put in a FanFic... I don't write alot of smut well. I do good with a little...}


End file.
